Newt’s Story
by Emma Laurent
Newt is a free-spirited, small town Sheridan hippie. She grew up working hard surrounded by a family who loved her, despite some major lifestyle differences. Like many of us, Newt thought she had met “the one” by 17. Burke was eight years older, divorced, and already had two kids. Newt’s family wasn’t impressed but they knew Newt was going to do what she was going to do, so they stood by her and loved her every moment.
At Newt matured, she learned new things about herself. One, she didn’t want children. And two, she might be asexual. She still craved loved and companionship, but sex had become a necessary evil to find and keep what she recognized as love. Burke used this to his advantage. When Newt wouldn’t give him sex, he cheated and gaslit her into believing it was her fault. She would step up and try harder to be the partner he “needed” but, their relationship would eventually collapse again. Newt was exhausted. She worked three jobs to support herself, an unemployed Burke, and their pets. Sex was the last thing on her mind after a sixteen hour day on her feet. But in order to keep the comfort she thought Burke provided, Newt would give in when Burke demanded sex, “We were living in this tumultuous environment. And I would give him sex. And that night, I just caved in….”
Newt first remembers becoming violently ill while slicing turkey at work at Jimmy John’s. For two months, she was so ill it was hard for her to work at all:
“I couldn’t figure out what it was that was wrong with me…I think I was watching, like, America’s Next Top Model or something. I was sick. I was so sick…I felt like I had the flu or something. And then this commercial came on, and it was , like a pregnancy test commercial. And it was talking about, like, you missing your period and I was like, ‘Oh my fucking God’!”
After confirming the pregnancy with five at-home pregnancy tests, Burke freaked out, took Newt’s car, and left her home alone. Even though she was scared to death, Newt didn’t see any other option. She called her mom:
“I called her and she pretty much dropped everything and just kinda, like, came to my aid. And my mom is an extremely conservative woman…she’s a very proud Republican. That’s who she is. That’s how I accept her. I don’t see eye to eye with her. I don’t always agree with all of what she thinks or says, but my mom dropped everything and she came to my aid and picked me off the floor and told me it was gonna be fine.”
Newt’s mom, Ellen, held her child, while Newt made her own decisions about what to do next, regardless of any personal beliefs. Ellen understood that if New had this baby, Newt would be tied to Burke the rest of her life. When Newt came to her decision, Ellen helped Newt find a clinic that would perform the procedure at a deep discount in Livingston, Montana. Burke offered to pay for the procedure, but on the day, the 32 year old father of two could only contribute $50. Ellen paid the difference.
The clinic was nice and comforting. Newt felt affirmed that she was making the right choice for her. Everything went pretty seamless until she was faced with Montana state policy of having to justify to the on-site counselor why she wanted an abortion and why she was of sound mind to make the decision. Her bodily autonomy wasn’t enough. “It almost felt like I was having to basically explain myself as to why I did not want my body to be hijacked…[or be tied to] this partner…It was very, very, very, very disrespectful.”
Newt was terrified of the procedure. Moments before it began, she realized she had never even been to a gynecologist before. This abortion, at the age of 24, would be her first doctor’s visit in over ten years. The procedure itself was a blur. Newt remembers a “cold” sensation, but she has since blocked the rest of it out. However, what she does remember occurred on the three hour and thirty minute drive home. She was bleeding and bleeding heavy.
What we do know is that everyone’s body reacts differently after an abortion. Heavy bleeding, while normal, is terrifying if a patient isn’t prepared for it. The Livingston clinic did not provide Newt with enough aftercare information. After many pit stops through rural Montana, and dabbing at blood stains on her mother’s carseat, Newt made the decision to go to the emergency room in Sheridan, when the caravan finally made it back to town.
This was the NUMBER ONE place Newt had wanted to avoid during the entire ordeal. She knew the stigma associated with showing up at a hospital. She knew that hospital workers in town weren’t known for their propriety. She even had family members who worked in the ER that she desperately wanted, needed, to avoid to keep any sense of privacy. But the clinic hadn’t provided her enough information and there were no other resources in town for her. Newt took a big breath and went to the ER. She put on record, in her small gossipy town, that she had had an out of state abortion, just to learn that the bleeding was normal. The ER could not treat her and sent her home with extra helpings of ibuprofen and a bottle of unsolicited shame to wash it down with.
Two takeaways are on the tip of Newt’s mind as she concludes her story:
“First off, I just want to get out there, that I don’t regret it, like at all! It was one of the best thing that I probably could have ever done…[Second] My mom being so conservative and everything, bless her! That she still fucking loved me enough to respect my decision and be there for me, like physically, not just emotionally, but like she was there physically, and that’s really cool. Because you don’t hear about that very often on that side of things. But to me, I think that for my story, it is really important that other girls know that. You might be scared to tell your parents, or you might be scared to tell your significant other, or something, or whoever it might be, that’s close to you. But like, it’s so important that you do, because if they really do love you, and they really do respect you, they’re gonna do everything in their power to help and make it comfortable and everything, and not question your decision. And she never did. Not once.”
